What If
Standing in the shadows behind the velvet burgundy curtains, twenty-three-year-old Kaitlyn Spencer scanned the crowded ballroom until she found the person she was searching for. Sitting at a table on the balcony with a half filled glass in his hand, Lord Ashbrook bent his head to listen to a beautiful golden haired lady. The woman had been his partner in a few of the dances that night. Kaitlyn swallowed, her heart clenching tightly at the sight of him with another woman. She looked away, unable to watch any longer. It hurt too much… “Kaitlyn?”
Startled, Kaitlyn snapped out of her thoughts. She turned to find her best friend standing only a few feet away. Sara looked up at the balcony for a moment and then sighed. “Kaitlyn, I thought we have been through this. You shouldn’t be thinking about him. You know better than that. Especially if he might already have someone else. You will only make it worse for yourself.”
“Don’t you think I know that? But each time I try to forget him I would wonder, what if ? What if circumstances had been different? What if I was different? What if there is still a chance?”
“Will that make a difference in the end?”
“Maybe not, but that does not stop me from thinking about it. You don’t know what it is like. I have done all that I can to make him happy. And to be honest, I am not certain why.”
“The heart has its reasons which reason knows not of,” Sara said softly.
“I know better than this. I do. You do not know how often I have argued with myself, trying to convince myself to realize the truth. But no matter what I say, I cannot stop this feeling. I cannot remain reasonable.”
“What are you planning to do then?”
Kaitlyn shook her head. “Nothing. I can do nothing. I am not certain I can do anything else but what I have been doing. Maybe eventually this feeling will go away.”
Sara sighed. “I think I will let you be alone for now. If you need someone to talk to, you know where I will be.”
She heard Sara walk away, but Kaitlyn made no effort to move from where she stood. She knew that eventually she would have to let the past go. Kaitlyn knew that she had to find some way to forget, to leave the past behind, but each time she tried, memories invaded her thoughts. She could not continue living like this, always wondering what could have been.
Kaitlyn glanced up at the balcony for a moment and then shook her head. Perhaps she should start listening to her head instead of to her heart. Listening to her heart was too painful…
Note: “The heart has its reasons which reason knows not of - Blaise Pascal"
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